Littles jokes

Of course, not all are like this , otherwise I think life is a horror movie as is true for women...depends on education . Not always needs a woman,I suppose...

Interesting video!

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More Marriage Advice

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
2. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
3. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
4. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
8. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
9. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
10. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
11. A woman has the last word in any argument.
12. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
13. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

And...

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HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Arrive naked ... with beer.

Hehehehe...

Arrive naked ... with beer to impress a Man....

That's so true... If only more Women know that... Men would get impressed a lot more...

Well,dependes,man is neither very impressed.. ,that's why I like Cardiology

For today :

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Why Men Are Happier

Men can play with toys all their life.

Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.

Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.

Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.

Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife.

Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.

Chocolate is just another snack.

The whole garage belongs to them.

Weddings take care of themselves.

Men's last name never changes.

Everything on a man's face stays its original color.

Men only have to shave their faces and necks.

Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.

Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.

For men, wrinkles add character.

Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase.

Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.

Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.

Men have one mood all the time.

A wedding dress cost $5000. A tuxedo rental - 100 bucks

Men can open all their own jars.

It's true? it meens that I was stuck on these topics...but for me it's pretty fun fight that gender especially, because I constantly confronted with this fact and that I don't mind me

Those are true facts...

It is to understand that being a Man is better... Yes ???

There are advantages and disadvantages,but I would to be man at least once a month

For today:

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Make women happy - Demerit Point System explained

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
* You make the bed ....................+1

* You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0

* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1

* You leave the toilet seat up.............-5

* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0

* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1

* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2

* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5

* in the snow...............+8

* but return with beer..........-5

* and no liners....................-25

* You check out a suspicious noise at night....... 0

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5

* You pummel it with a six iron...........+10

* It's her cat.........................-40

AT A PARTY
* You stay by her side the entire party...... 0

* You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy...-2


* Named Tiffany.............-4

* Tiffany is a dancer...........-6

* With breast implants..............-18

HER BIRTHDAY
* You take her out to dinner................ 0

* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1

* Okay, it is a sports bar..........-2

* And it's all-you-can-eat night....-3

* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team......-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
* Go with a pal.........................+5

* The pal is happily married............+4

* Or frighteningly single...............-7

* And he drives a Ferrari...............-10

* With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
* You take her to a movie...............+2

* You take her to a movie she likes.....+4

* You take her to a movie you hate......+6

* You take her to a movie you like......-2

* It's called Death Cop 3...............-3

* Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....-9

* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
* You develop a noticeable pot belly.............-15

* You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...............................+10

* You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.......-30

* You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."......-800

THE BIG QUESTION (a no win question)
* She asks, "Do I look fat?"

* You hesitate in responding.....-10

* You reply, "Where?"............-35

* Any other response.............-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:

* You listen, displaying a concerned expression...... 0

* You listen, for over 30 minutes....................+5

* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..................................+100

* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep....-200

So that's a total of:

+ 153 points

and

- 1290 points


That's a lot just to please an woman...
For a man... ah, just appear naked and with beer and it's +50.000 points !!!

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A man is walking down a beach, and accidentally kicks a bottle out of the sand. He opens the bottle, and a genie appears. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one." The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because airplanes are much too frightening for me and boats make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I can't do it. Imagine all the work involved. All the piling to hold up the highway needed and all the pavement. Ask for something else." "Well," the man said. "I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick." The genie considered this for a couple of minutes and said, "So, do you want that road two lanes or four?"

A little smile

Hehehehe... that's true... Women is a mystery for a man...

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What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Thank you for being with us Roxana. As a, sort of reward, I have entered you in the Advanced Players team. So, welcome, and thank you for staying with us.

P.S. Great joke...

I thank you very much .I'm honored by this ...you all make part of my life and I'm glad because here I've met people with open minds and souls!!!
Thank you all!!!

A little smile for today:

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One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God...

"Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man', Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster and more muscular than you. He'll also need your advice to think properly. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about, hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well... He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

So... the Woman did come before the Man...

Then how come Men rule almost everything ???
Indeed nobody knows who rules from the shadow of a man...


Khot1

Well, I think it doesn't matter the order, the most important are the "chemical reactions" between them

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A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!

And...because the blonde not be angry...

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A Russian, an American, and a Brunette were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Brunette said, "So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Brunette replied, "We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!"

Hehehe... Cool...

A little smile can soothe the soul...

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Oh my GOD... I'd kill that blond if that were my Ferrari !!!

Nice joke...

OOO don't be bad
Thanks!

Very good joke Roxana .


Adrian

Thank you, Adu!