Littles jokes

Thanks, my cat is happy

Quote :

Cat Definitions


* Aquarium: interactive television for cats.

* Cat: 1. a lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer.
2. a four footed allergen.
3. a small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.
4. a small, furry lap fungus.
5. a treat-seeking missile.
6. a wildlife control expert.
7. one who sleeps in old, empty pizza boxes.
8. a hair relocation expert.
9. an unprogrammable animal.

* Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat's life.

* Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink.

* Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat.

* Cat Scan: to look for a new cat.

* Dog: a cat's device for running practice.

* Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of.

* Energy: the element of vitality cats always have an oversupply of until you try to play with them.

* Human: an automatic door opener for cats.

* Impurrsonate: to act like the cat.

* Kitten: a small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to the point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners. Get at least two.

* Purrade: an organized march of cats.

* Purradise: the garden of Cats.

* Purramour: a cat lover.

* Purranoia: the fear that your cat is up to something.

* Purraphernalia: a cat's personal belongings.

* Purrch: any favored feline napping spot.

* Purrchase: anything bought for a cat.

* Purrfume: the scent of an open can of tuna.

* Purrgatory: a houseful of kittens.

* Purrmission: a feline hunting expedition.

* Purrpetual: everlasting feline love.

* Purrplex: a house with two or more cats.

* Purrson: a male kitten.

* Purrsuit: the garment your shedding cat rubs against just as you are leaving home to go to an important meeting.

* Purrverse: a poem about a wicked kitty.

* Tooraloorailurophobia: an irrational fear of Irish cats.

* Tuner: sonar-like device in cat food that causes cats to appear.

* Yawn: a cat's honest opinion openly expressed.

Great joke as always

Quote :

Cat Medical Dictionary

# Enema: The black cat next door ... He's not my friend, he's my enema.

# Biofeedback: Coughing up two hairballs in one night.

# Biohazard: Stepping in both aforementioned hairballs.

# Cat Scan: Do I *really* have to explain that one?

# Electroshock Therapy: Accidentally walking on the electric stove while it is on.

# Hemad: Mood of the Big Owner when I drop a hairball on the carpet. In fact, he's always mad.

# Histamine: A mean hiss.

# Mucus: A feline swear word.

# Perspire: Purring so hard you drool from the mouth.

# False Positive: Pouring fresh litter over the old to make it appear new.

# White Cell: The bathroom – Where humans sometimes lock you up.

# Work-Up: The long minutes preparing to free a hairball.

# Acute: What I am...Acute Cat.

# Fuzzy logic: Trying to figure out cat medical terms.

Cats are weird sometimes... Good joke Roxana...
But why so many Cat jokes ???

Because I want

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Cats in Physics


* Law of Cat Inertia:
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

* Law of Cat Motion:
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

* Law of Cat Magnetism:
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

* Law of Cat Thermodynamics:
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

* Law of Cat Stretching:
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

* Law of Cat Sleeping:
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

* Law of Cat Elongation:
A cat can make his body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

* Law of Cat Acceleration:
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

* Law of Dinner Table Attendance:
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

* Law of Rug Configuration:
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

* Law of Obedience Resistance:
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for him to do something.

* First Law of Energy Conservation:
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

* Second Law of Energy Conservation:
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

* Law of Refrigerator Observation:
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

* Law of Electric Blanket Attraction:
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

* Law of Random Comfort Seeking:
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

* Law of Bag / Box Occupancy:
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

* Law of Cat Embarrassment:
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to his embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

* Law of Milk Consumption:
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

* Law of Furniture Replacement:
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

* Law of Cat Landing:
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

* Law of Fluid Displacement:
A cat immersed in milk will displace his own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

* Law of Cat Disinterest:
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

* Law of Pill Rejection:
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

* Law of Cat Composition:
A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn't Matter.

Quote :

"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"

Hehe

Quote :

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

It's time to smile

Quote :

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Boy, it's been a while since I posted something in this post

But anyway here is an CORRECT example of Male Multitasking !!!

Enjoy !!!

Link here...

Glad you like it Adrian

That's really funny!

"Three guys are put in prison: an American, a German and a Romanian. The chief guard gives each of them a pair of heavy bowling balls, just so they won't get too bored. Three months later, the chief guard comes in inspection and asks the three prisoners how they are doing.

The American says: "Hey, giving me those bowling balls was a great idea! I had nothing else to do, so I worked out a lot with those balls, and look at me now: I can do a hundred push-ups in no time!"

The German says: "Sir, thank you for giving me those bowling balls! I had nothing else to do, so I began studying them. I discovered a lot of new theorems in non-euclidean geometry, they're all in this notebook."

The Romanian says: "Oh sir, I am really sorry... you know, those balls... it's really not my fault, but one of them broke and the other one is nowhere to be found!"


...land of choice