EnPrizee

After Prizee removed the English forum there was only one way - to create a new one.
 
EnglishRomanianHomePortalCalendarFAQSearchRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Littles jokes

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 9, 10, 11, 12, 13  Next
AuthorMessage
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Wed 12 May 2010, 22:33

Quote :
An old man goes into a pharmacy and asks the girl behind the counter:
"Excuse me miss, do you have those blue pills that make you feel good?"
"Sure grandpa, they're called Viagra"
"Aha... well, how much does one cost?"
"That'll be 35,000 lei, grandpa." [Approx. $1]
"Hmm... well, but how long does it last?"
"Well, about 4 hours."
"What?? And it costs 35,000 lei?"
"Yes, I told you."
"Well miss, sorry, but I'm not paying 35,000 for those extra 15 minutes."

flower
Back to top Go down
Khot1
Diamond 2
Diamond 2
avatar

Posts : 1365
Join date : 2009-10-08
Age : 30
Location : Campina, Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Thu 13 May 2010, 11:16

Oho, "Extra 15 Minutes"... hehehe, that's cool... affraid

We should all be this lucky, because 4 hours is a lot... Smile Very Happy
Perhaps 4 times would be more appropriate Smile
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Thu 13 May 2010, 19:27

Therefore it: more and better. Laughing lol! sunny
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Fri 14 May 2010, 14:44

Quote :
Man:Finally, I've waited this a long!
Woman:Do you want to I disappear?
Man:You are crazy?No!!
Woman:Do you love me?
Man:Of course, always!
Woman:Do you cheated me?
Man:God, no!! Never!
Woman:You will do sex only with me?
Man:Of course!With any occasion!
Woman:You will hit me ever?
Man:You are crazy?NO!!!
Woman:I can trust you?
Man:Yes!
Woman:Ohh ,honey!
And now you read the text bottom up!
lol! Laughing In my opinion, these questions should not be made ever and that actually means self confidence Very Happy But I found funny this" questionnaire" Laughing lol!
sunny
Back to top Go down
Khot1
Diamond 2
Diamond 2
avatar

Posts : 1365
Join date : 2009-10-08
Age : 30
Location : Campina, Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Fri 14 May 2010, 19:43

Hahaha, so funny, I did not expect that... Really good one Roxana... Thanks Laughing Laughing Laughing
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Sat 15 May 2010, 11:33

bom Very Happy
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Sat 15 May 2010, 16:11

Today is the day "without inhibition" Laughing
Quote :
A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a
gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink."
So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, "What's
the name of your penis?"
The guy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you
tell me the name of your penis."
So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a
beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to
left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX."
The guy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes
a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"
A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a
fruity margarita, "So, what do you call your penis?" The man to his
right turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because quality is Job
1", he then ads, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up
with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims,
"The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer."
The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look
asks, "Why secret?"
The guy says, "because it's strong enough for a man but made for a
woman!"

Have a special day ! Wink sunny
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Tue 18 May 2010, 17:36

Quote :
A teacher once stood up and said to her class, “Anyone who thinks that they are stupid, please stand up.” No one stood up for a few seconds and then in the back of the room, little Jimmy rose. “Jimmy, why do you think you are stupid?” The teacher asked. Jimmy quickly replied, “Oh I don’t think that, I just didn’t want you standing up there by yourself!”


This is for my "dear" teacher which can not leave behind the communism period,believing that the teacher has the right to offend just because you know more than she.(I'm usually modest, but now I can't Cool )So, she tell us about endocrinology adding that the thyroid gland is in the brain affraid now depends on everyone's vision, if your brain is in the mouth then the statement is correct... Rolling Eyes And now that you realize where she has the "brain", actually look at what researchers found about thyroid Laughinghttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thyroid Suspect Very Happy lol!
Back to top Go down
Khot1
Diamond 2
Diamond 2
avatar

Posts : 1365
Join date : 2009-10-08
Age : 30
Location : Campina, Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Tue 18 May 2010, 22:28

Interesting Roxana... Now I know and understand what happened...
Sorry to learn about this...
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Wed 19 May 2010, 09:23

No problem, I don't feel sorry for what happens, because in this way is made the difference between people...So, I'm happy Smile because I know that there are people ...different Smile
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Wed 19 May 2010, 16:21

Quote :
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!
What a Face Very Happy
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Wed 19 May 2010, 20:46

Quote :
A Guide to Modern Operating Systems

Unix
You shoot yourself in the foot.

DOS
You keep running up against the one-bullet barrier.

MS-Windows
The gun blows up in your hand.

Windows NT
The gun is so huge and unwieldy that you have to keep swapping it from one hand to the other.

OS/2
The gun and the bullet aren't speaking to each other any more.

Mac Finder
It's easy to shoot yourself in the foot -- just point and shoot.

AIX
You can shoot yourself in the foot with either a .38 or a .45.

IRIX
The Terminator shoots you in the foot. A T-Rex bites your other foot.

SVR4
The gun isn't compatible with your foot.

Minix
You learn how to shoot yourself in the foot with a Saturday Night Special.

Linux
Generous programmers from around the world all join forces to help you shoot yourself in the foot for free.

HURD
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot Real Soon Now.

VM/CMS
IBM shoots you in the foot.

VMS
\FOOT\ ambiguous: supply more toes.

AMIGA-DOS
The gun works pretty well, except that few people use one and it's impossible to find bullets.

Mach
The bullets work pretty well, but they don't make guns for it any more.

Cray
You shoot yourself in the foot with an Uzi.

MasPar
You shoot all of your friends' feet simultaneously.
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Thu 20 May 2010, 12:50

Quote :
"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."
"Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."

lol! I'm so sadistic today lol!
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Fri 21 May 2010, 13:40

Quote :
A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"
Smile
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Sat 22 May 2010, 12:27

Quote :
A girl in a bar close by the bartender and very sexy, she walking her hands through his hair and asking him randy:
-My dear where is the bar manager?
And the bartender answered:
-Sorry, but I can help you with this.
The girl patting him, then she inserted her fingers in his mouth , telling him:
-Please, don't be bad and tell me where is the manager?
-But, why you ask for him?
-Damn, to tell him that in the toilet isn't soap and toilet paper
lol! I love this joke! Laughing Very Happy
Back to top Go down
Khot1
Diamond 2
Diamond 2
avatar

Posts : 1365
Join date : 2009-10-08
Age : 30
Location : Campina, Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Sat 22 May 2010, 21:29

Oh my God.... Good joke... No toilet paper ??? DAMN !!! affraid affraid cheers
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Mon 07 Jun 2010, 19:42

Quote :
Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"


( _ /)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

YUPYYYY! albino
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Tue 08 Jun 2010, 19:27

Quote :
Satan was inspecting Hell. As he was strolling down the alleys, he got to a place where the doomed people were boiling in big cauldrons filled with pitch. Each nation had its own cauldron: Englishmen were boiling together, Frenchmen together, and so on. And by each cauldron a horde of fiends were standing with tridents in their hoofs. Their job was simple: as soon as one of the doomed couldn't take the pain anymore and tried to get out, the fiends stung him with the tridents and dipped him into the pitch again.

However, Satan noticed that one of the cauldrons was completely unattended. So he roared in fury:

"This is outrageous! You will all regret this! How dare you leave a cauldron unattended, and who are the people boiling inside it?"

To which the superintendent replied promptly:

"Your Darkness, do not worry! These people are Romanians, and there is no need to guard them. As soon as one of them tries to get out, the others immediately pull him back in."

A painful joke...
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Tue 15 Jun 2010, 18:20

Is anybody home? Very Happy Twisted Evil
Quote :
One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop.
J(ohnny):I want a pistol
S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols)
J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this,
S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose?
J: For shooting cans.
S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one.
J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one.
S: And what cans will you shoot at?
J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...
Back to top Go down
Khot1
Diamond 2
Diamond 2
avatar

Posts : 1365
Join date : 2009-10-08
Age : 30
Location : Campina, Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Wed 16 Jun 2010, 00:06

Nice jokes Roxx... Where do you get them all ? Smile ;D
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Wed 16 Jun 2010, 14:58

Eheee trade secret Razz Very Happy
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Wed 16 Jun 2010, 19:31

Quote :
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a simple leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When the seamstress cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes!" cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and is always in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

Signed, All Us Women
lol! cherry
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Thu 17 Jun 2010, 15:14

Quote :
A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
Quote :
Rules of a True Guy

Rule 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

Rule 2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

Rule 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

Rule 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

Rule 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

Rule 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, you may complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

Rule 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

Rule 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

Rule 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

Rule 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

Rule 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

Rule 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

Rule 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight partially clothed or naked.

Rule 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.

Rule 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

Rule 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

Rule 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

Rule 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

Rule 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

Rule 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, unless she's withholding sex pending your response.

Rule 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

Rule 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

Rule 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

Rule 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

Rule 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Rule 26: Thou shall not buy a car or motorcycle in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

Rule 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

Rule 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Figure Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

clown cat
Back to top Go down
Khot1
Diamond 2
Diamond 2
avatar

Posts : 1365
Join date : 2009-10-08
Age : 30
Location : Campina, Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:49

Hehehe, those rules sure do apply in real life Roxana Smile
Back to top Go down
ROXX
Platinum 2
Platinum 2
avatar

Posts : 636
Join date : 2009-10-10
Age : 32
Location : Romania

PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   Fri 18 Jun 2010, 18:29







flower
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Littles jokes   

Back to top Go down
 
Littles jokes
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 10 of 13Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 9, 10, 11, 12, 13  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Roland's Jokes
» Chess jokes
» Wow jokes by: Jub2
» Spy Cam
» A Commerce Student

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
EnPrizee :: Offtopic :: Free Talking-
Jump to: